tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21548417612767431712024-03-13T05:20:51.471+00:00Baring AllBaring all on everything in my life!Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-17486534348434347922010-06-09T21:20:00.002+01:002010-06-09T21:36:06.475+01:00REVAMPED!Today I had my last session with my university counsellor and we were discussing the progress I had made from my first session. I realised that everything about me had change and I was a lot happier and more secure in myself. It was this feeling and some advice my sister gave me that has caused me to REVAMP my blog, not only in its look but with what I talk about. I am no longer going to be doom and gloom, as that is no longer me!! I am going to talk to you about everything that I love and things that make me happy! I hope you enjoy the new 'Baring All'!!<br /><br />xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-80655136233223195272010-05-14T00:14:00.002+01:002010-05-14T00:30:51.639+01:00Lack of Motivation!I have been sitting at my desk/bed/sofa (I moved around thinking it might help) all day attempting to write a 2000 word essay, which at this present time consists of 253 words. It's not going so well.<br /><br />I just can't seem to find the motivation. I partly think this is due to dissertation. I feel like it has sucked the life out of me!! I worked on it for 7 months, and worked non-stop on it for the last 3 weeks before hand in. I lived and breathed it 24hrs a day. I was even dreaming about it!! I now have very little energy and can't seem to focus on a new topic, my brain is literally fried! It could also have something to do with the depressing and quite horrifying topic that I have to write about. Its an essay for my module "Violence Against Women" and the question asks me to examine rape and the way it is dealt with by the authorities. It's very hard to get through the readings, it's just so shocking and some of the issues gives me that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that you get when your nervous. Every time I finish reading something, I have to take a break and breathe, before embarking on the next reading.<br /><br />I just find it so frustrating. I'm so close to the end now and just want to finish. All that stands in my way is 2 essays, 4500 words and that's it. Why can't I find the motivation to do it? If you have any suggestions of how I can motivate myself I would be ever so grateful!<br /><br />xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-37131703585336548062010-04-29T23:52:00.004+01:002010-05-06T21:19:41.640+01:00I am looking forward to......Since my depression, I have tried to change my outlook! I was very consumed with sadness and never really saw the point of looking forward, I didn't like the prospect of what the future held and just wanted to hide away and never deal with it. However, now I try to focus on the good things in life right now, as well as the future. There are lots of things I am so excited about at the moment....<br /><br /><ul><li>Finishing University - my 3 years come to an end on May 26<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> and I cannot wait!<br /></li><li>Holiday to Spain with Miss Tan</li><li>Getting my Results - although this is also extremely nerve racking, I can't wait to find out what the last 3 years of my life has amounted to.<br /></li><li>Graduating - I actually cannot wait to wear the gown and hat!<br /></li><li>Miss Tan's 21st Birthday</li><li>Family holiday to Cornwall</li><li>My birthday - although I will be turning 23 (which I know isn't that old, but when you have constantly heard all year "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">erghhhhhhhh</span> I'm turning 21, I'm so old!!" from all your friends, 23 isn't so lovely!) I will be arriving in Australia on my Birthday so ever so excited. <br /></li><li>Holiday to Australia with my Mum</li><li>Holiday Buddy moving in</li><li>Cracking on with the saving</li></ul>Of course there are a few things that I am dreading (I may be slightly more positive, but I just think worrying is in me, I just can't help it)....<br /><br /><ul><li>Miss Tan moving away from Brighton - The prospect of Miss Tan not being a 10 minute walk away is something that makes me very sad!<br /></li><li>Leaving university and having to get a real job</li><li>Being skint - The prospect of never getting student loan again, having my student overdraft taken away from me and no longer receiving my Dad's pension, scares me! I need to take lessons from my sister in how to save! Although I want to go traveling my make-up addiction, shoe addiction and general shopping addiction will be hard to completely get over, therefore I need to find ways of affording everything</li></ul>But hopefully, all the good things will make up for all the things I'm dreading! xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-84448808360555803672010-04-29T23:35:00.002+01:002010-04-29T23:52:10.389+01:00The Irony of my Last Post!I find it rather ironic that the last time I blogged I said not uploading in over a month had made me angry/sad.......that was in February, it is now April! As I explained in the last post my life was rather hectic. I didn't actually think it could get worse, but oh my gosh did it! With the start of a new term, I had new deadlines, with of course the ever nearing dissertation deadline still looming! On top of this, I fell ill (which I am convinced was down to stress!). I fell extremely behind with all my work and dissertation, therefore making my life, what I like to call a little bubble of stress.<br /><br />However, I caught up and managed to submit my first two assignments with enough time to crack on with dissertation, which I finally finished and handed over on Monday 26<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> April! It seems so strange not having to think about it after it consumed (well felt like anyways) my life for 8 months! Even if I wasn't working on it, it was there at the back of my mind! But now its all over. I don't feel amazing about it, but then I have come to realise that this normal. You have no idea what you are doing, or what they want, or how to tackle it because you've never done one before. Now I just have to concentrate on my last two assignments (which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">loveaudrey</span> has informed me will feel like nothing now) and finish uni, leaving the thought of dissertation behind and hope that the hard work paid off.<br /><br />xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-29770834158123708872010-02-21T18:35:00.003+00:002010-02-21T20:30:25.479+00:00Nearly a month makes me very angry!I cannot believe that I have been unable to find time to sit down and blog for nearly a month.<br /><br />With all the snow, all my deadlines were pushed back so I took advantage of the extra time and made sure my essays were up to as higher standard as I could possibly manage. As soon as that was over I had to prepare myself to write the first draft of my dissertation. A rather daunting task I felt as I had no idea what they were looking for (to be honest I still don't). In addition to this I have been traveling to and from London once a week as I am now have a job there. I work with my Mum and help her out with all the admin stuff that they struggle to find time to do. I quite enjoy the work, I also really enjoy seeing my Mum once a week instead of maybe every 3-4 weeks if we are lucky. All of this has meant my time to blog has been sucked away from me. Also I think when I did have time to relax, stepping away from a computer was much needed, therefore making it hard to upload.<br /><br />Over the last month I have been feeling increasingly happy. The months before Christmas were consumed with sadness and anger, and basically feeling very low in myself. Now though I seem to be coping much better. I (with the help of lots of people around me and great support from all) have found new ways of coping with the things in life that get me down. I have found new things that make me happy and I have realised that I shouldn't let the sad feelings consume me so much. It has been really nice to feel like my old self again.<br /><br />A few things that have made me smile this month are:<br /><br /><ul><li>Watching my big sister graduate. I was so very proud of her and I was so honored to be a part of her special day. Watching her walk across that stage after everything she has accomplished was just amazing! It <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">definitely</span> put a smile on my face.</li><li>Getting a first in my presentation. I really struggled with this presentation, as it was a group piece of work and my group were just useless. 3 days before the presentation they hadn't done any work, which panicked me slightly. It panicked me even more when it came to the day and they still hadn't finished their personal bits. However, when it came to the presentation I pushed that out of my mind and did the best I could for my own piece. It obviously paid off as I did really well.</li><li>Meeting a guy. I was out one Friday night with Miss Tan and a few other friends and I met this guy. We chatted for a little bit and then he asked for my number. He asked me to go and meet him for a coffee the next day and I had a really good time. We've seen each other a few more times since and we get on really well. Having a bit of interest from someone has really boosted my self-confidence.</li><li>Finding out when I finish uni. Although the prospect of only having 2 and a half months left of uni is scary, its also nice to finally have a finishing point. To know that after the 26th May, you will find out what the last years have amounted to and grad ball and graduation. I'm strangely excited about it all.</li><li>Booking a holiday to Australia. My Mum had this conference she wanted to attend in Australia but she didn't want to travel on her own so asked if I would like to go with her. I of course jumped at the chance (well after checking finances and realising it was possible). I haven't been on holiday with my Mum since I was 16 and this is going to be just me and her so I really can't wait. Also we arrive on my birthday, so I'm excited about being there for the celebrations (although I will miss big sis and family of course). </li><li>Putting more pictures up in my bedroom. The other day when I had a few free minutes from dissertation writing, I grabbed a hammer and banged in some more nails around my room and hung black and white photos of my family around my bedroom. My whole bedroom is black and white and I love having the black and white photos as well. Having pictures of my family surrounding me makes me very happy. I have lots of my Dad as well and they make me smile a lot.</li><li>MAC purchases. I have treated myself to a few little beauties from MAC to reward myself for the work I had done. I brought 2 lipsticks. My sister advised me at Christmas that lipstick looked good on me and that I should wear it more often. So I took her advice and purchased 2 gorgeous colours: M.A.C Red and Hang-Up.</li><li>Spending more time with an old friend. As I'm sure I've said before one of my best mates lives with my ex, making our friendship quite complicated. However, this month we have been speaking and seeing a lot more of each other. My friends are really important to me and being able to spend more time with this friend in particular really makes me smile.</li><li>Lunches with my travel buddy. Last July I went on holiday with one of my friends from uni for 5 weeks. We went to Japan, Australia and Thailand. Recently we have been meeting up for regular lunches and catch ups. It has been so nice spending time with her again. After our holiday being away from each other was hard. We were so used to each others company and seeing each other everyday. Then when uni started up we both became really busy and had very little spare time. We both said at Christmas that it must change and we have defo made sure of that.<br /></li></ul>I'm sure there are more things that have made me happy but for now these will have to do. I think one major thing that I have forgotten, is that me being happy makes me feel good. It makes me think that I have accomplished something after feeling so awful for so long. For once I did something about it, I didn't just find ways to not deal with it. I worked through it all. xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-68786762602919563922010-01-25T17:44:00.002+00:002010-01-25T17:56:39.791+00:005 minutes to spare!So my life has been non-stop! Since my last blog, I have spent nearly every waking hour on my laptop. However, it saddens me to say that none of this time was spent blogging (as we can all see from the gap since my last upload). I have been so busy writing essays, preparing for presentations, revising for exams, reading for dissertation and I'm sure there were other things that have all become a blur! Right now though, I actually have 5 minutes with which I have nothing to do, but everything I have to tell you will take way more than 5 minutes. So I am going to use this time to say quickly......<br /><br /><ol><li>My sister graduated on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Saturday</span> and I am the proudest little sister ever!!!!! I was so happy I got to watch her walk down the aisle and across the stage in her hat and gown. She is amazing and puts myself and all my friends to shame. She had a child and was pregnant in her final year and she managed to graduate with first class hons, I feel honoured to call her my big sister (even if she does say Mum and Dad found me in a dustbin!!!)</li><li>I am very excited about the possibility of going to Australia in September, I am keeping my fingers crossed that money allows!</li><li>I am rather stressed and worried about an exam I have on Friday and the prospect of handing in my first 2000 words for dissertation. The usual has happened and the stress has caused my eczema to flare up which is oh so irritating!</li></ol><p>So thats just the few things going around my head right now. I promise to blog again soon and do it properly this time. xxx</p>Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-16026166107116184062010-01-08T20:48:00.004+00:002010-01-08T21:58:16.402+00:00Christmas, New Year and the lack of time to blog!Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!! Sorry I have not blogged in such a long time, being away at Christmas and New Year, then coming home to a mountain of jobs such as: washing, essays, presentations to prepare and catching up with everything I missed over the holidays, has got in the way a little.<br /><br />My Christmas was really lovely! We went to my Sister's partner's family. It was so lovely spending it with them and my own family. I also really enjoyed spending it with my niece and my nephew, especially as it was his first Christmas. I got lots of lovely presents. A few of my favourites were: a pair of new grey skinny jeans, a black <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lacey</span> dress, a beautiful handbag with silver studding on it, an amazing black eye shadow from mac (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Cinderfella</span>) and one tree hill series 4 and 5 <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">DVD</span> box set. (Pictures to follow, when I finally find my camera in the mess that is my room).<br /><br />I thoroughly enjoyed my new year as well. My friend Miss Tan and I went to Devon to stay with my Sister. After the past few months where I had been feeling really down, it was so nice to forget everything and start the new year with a few of the most important people in my life. I also got to see my Mum, Step Dad and an old family friend on new years day, so I practically saw all the important people to me at the start of a fresh new year. On new years eve we had an amazing meal of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">nachos</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">fajitas</span> and the most amazing chocolate dessert. We watched <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Jools</span> Holland and drank rose wine. Although its not very <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">rock'n'roll</span>, it was just what I wanted.<br /><br />Since being back in Brighton, I have been completely bogged down. I have had so much work to do (which I have still not finished), so many people to see and catch up, work in London and lots and lots of house work. The snow has not been great either. It has meant that uni was closed all week and therefore I have not been able to go to the library which was my plan. It has also meant that I have not been able to return a book which is ridiculously overdue now, which is causing me to worry about fines. As its on loan from an outside source the fines are even worse than usual, it could go up to £150. Not something I need right now.<br /><br />Although the start of the year has been hectic and rather stressful, I would just like to point out that I am feeling a lot happier. I feel really good at the moment. None of the worries I had before Christmas seem to be bothering me anymore. I have felt so good that I haven't been taking my medication everyday. I have only taken it when I have felt the need. This makes me really <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">relieved</span>. I was worried that I was only feeling better because of the drugs, but now I know its more than that. 2010 is going to be a good year......I can feel it!<br /><br />I hope everyone else had a good Christmas and New Year and that 2010 brings you all good times and lots and lots of happiness!! xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-62337806762565939622009-12-18T18:29:00.003+00:002009-12-18T19:00:31.603+00:00Snowy Days in Brighton<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg89dNOwu56TGuSNTBzi-KQqWs2uY0pf596qk1PwY_IqSnTF43S8me4lNT_PYBc_jK3ot3mzrEMoLXFV8xLzJBW_POZU2NhfcJSg0eIeIl2OvlVi3gARRc7o5eNJ05PIqDbEzxqJnIPzDt7/s1600-h/snowy+days.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg89dNOwu56TGuSNTBzi-KQqWs2uY0pf596qk1PwY_IqSnTF43S8me4lNT_PYBc_jK3ot3mzrEMoLXFV8xLzJBW_POZU2NhfcJSg0eIeIl2OvlVi3gARRc7o5eNJ05PIqDbEzxqJnIPzDt7/s320/snowy+days.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416645667737592658" border="0" /></a><br />Since moving to Brighton just over 2 years ago I have witnessed 3 really snowy days. The first was a weird scenario, a serious sign of global warming. The day before I had been in town, sitting on the beach, watching football in the pub, drinking cider in a beer garden, wear just a T-Shirt, a pair of jeans and little pumps. After a night of rather heavy drinking I had stayed at my boyfriends. I had planned to get up reasonably early and head home and do work. As I was stirring in bed, not wanting to get up and face the hangover, with my boyfriend trying to persuade me to screw the work and stay in bed with him, I caught a glimpse of the street outside the window. I had to double take as I thought I was imaging what I had seen. But no! I was completely right, there was 3 inches of snow outside!!!!! I was in complete shock. How could it go from being early spring summer, to the midst of winter snow in less than 24 hours? Due to the fact the day before had been lovely and sunny I hadn't driven to my boyfriends like usual. Instead of an easy way home I had two choices, walk and get a bus or taxi. I looked in my purse and had £2, which made me decisions rather limited. I could only afford to get a bus. I got dressed (in my summer clothes), stole a jumper from my boyfriend, scarf and hat from his housemate and headed to the bus stop with my boyfriend. My feet were freezing cold, the pumps were made of canvas and we soaking wet within a minute of walking. The jumper, scarf and hat were doing nothing to warm me up. Also, my boyfriend lived on a massive hill and the soaking wet canvas pumps had no grip what so ever, I could barely stay standing. I got half way down the hill before giving in. We made it to a cafe where I decided I was going to call a taxi, I made it drive via a cash point. However, my hike home was not over. Usually the cabs would drive through the campus (I was living in halls at this point) but because of the snow it didn't want to drive down the massive <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">icey</span> hill. Therefore I had to try and do it. I fell over 3 times which made my bum soaking wet. Then as I was walking through the other houses, loads of students were out making snowmen and having snowball fights. They thought it would be hilarious to get me involved, throwing snow balls at me, unaware of my mood. After the 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">nd</span> one hit me I turned round and laid into them. They were not very sympathetic and just laughed. I eventually made it to my house, to be greeted by my excited housemate wanting to go and play in the snow. I calmly explained that I was freezing cold, on the verge of my toes having frostbite, in a foul mood and wanted a cup of tea and to climb into my warm bed. Finally I was able to do all those things. My first snow day in Brighton was not a good experience.<br /><br />My second was not much better. It was in the middle of my reading week. I had spent the first part of my week visiting my step mum and then had plans to travel to visit my sister in the South West. On the day I was supposed to leave my step mums the snow hit. We had been out during the day and didn't think we had anything to worry about. We went home and had dinner. my step mum went out and refilled her bird feeder and the weather was still fine. 2o minutes later she went out to put the bins out and there was 3 inches of snow. We looked up the trains and they said they were fine, however, when we went to the station they had all been cancelled. The next day I was luckily enough to catch a train, but the snow was so bad in Brighton an hour train journey took me 3 and half hours. I eventually made it home where I rang my sister only to find out that the snow had just hit her. Luckily the trains were running but there were severe delays. The journey took me 6 hours rather than 3. I was severely unimpressed. My opinion of snow in Brighton was not a good one.<br /><br />Today has been my third experience of snow in Brighton and like I said in my previous post, although it stopped me from doing everything I needed to do today, I was able to complete a lot of other stuff. I think today may have changed my opinion on snowy days in Brighton. Thank God!!!!Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-54412816768077534142009-12-18T16:44:00.005+00:002009-12-18T17:10:02.831+00:00Limited Activity = Limited PositivitySo I woke up this morning and outside my front door there was 3 inches of snow. I had plans to go to the library; I needed to do some photocopying and research. I also had plans to go to the post office; I had a very late birthday present to post. I needed to go to the supermarket; I have guests coming over tomorrow and needed to get essentials such as milk and nibbles. However, all of these plans were put on hold because of the snow. My university is 40 minutes away by bus but the buses weren't running properly and I live on a very steep hill so walking to the bus stop would not be very easy. The other two problems are also effected by the lack of transport and ability to walk down the hill. Instead of doing the things that were on my last I've been stuck in doors all day.<br /><br />Although I have done nothing I was supposed to do today, in my new positive outlook on life here are a few things I've done today which I will be positive about doing as I wouldn't have been able to do without the snow.<br /><ol><li>I wrote a complete essay plan for the coursework I have to do over Christmas. I am feeling a little better about completing this essay now as I have a very structured essay plan to follow.</li><li>I packed my suitcase. I started yesterday evening but was able to finish it today so I am already to go home on Sunday morning.<br /></li><li>I cleaned my house. With extra time on my hands I went round my whole house and cleaned it from top to bottom. Which is a lucky thing really as I have guests tomorrow.</li><li>Re-watched Gossip Girl. I am a massive fan of Gossip Girl. It is another American teen television program that I am obsessed with. I love the fashion and scandalous lives that the kids in the show live. I'm also slightly in love with the character of Chuck Bass played by Ed <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Westwick</span>. With lots of spare time on my hands, I sat down and watched the whole first series again. It reminded me how much I love it. I'm so looking forward to the rest of the third series.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGcItSNdxiTLW1HoYbGwN8F0U9VrYMKw_bAVjz8Pz4rqaUp906g9_MF9th35cQz_PYgL7De02Oo6VWPXrf8POdGh-itUaKidOjS8i3MLzLWVTjBtVODll_ZcXNZUtkdPwFNHEQ8dZFOPlZ/s1600-h/gossip-girl.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 287px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGcItSNdxiTLW1HoYbGwN8F0U9VrYMKw_bAVjz8Pz4rqaUp906g9_MF9th35cQz_PYgL7De02Oo6VWPXrf8POdGh-itUaKidOjS8i3MLzLWVTjBtVODll_ZcXNZUtkdPwFNHEQ8dZFOPlZ/s320/gossip-girl.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416621935720245698" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlnZ-rwxhsMe0LKxOKuJqUEpUzanW_ruFTRE6OoVOvLfbhrzstlDSU-Lh_gXqHh1rtjq78BJ31JP1xO3DeziF-hQaJwq0jZig-3P2LpTxsq_i5m5IQ4G4gP5WfdQ1ZgWJMB0FHPSQYm4Mq/s1600-h/chuck+bass.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlnZ-rwxhsMe0LKxOKuJqUEpUzanW_ruFTRE6OoVOvLfbhrzstlDSU-Lh_gXqHh1rtjq78BJ31JP1xO3DeziF-hQaJwq0jZig-3P2LpTxsq_i5m5IQ4G4gP5WfdQ1ZgWJMB0FHPSQYm4Mq/s320/chuck+bass.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416622182422967986" border="0" /></a></li><li>Sorted out my new computer. I purchased a new computer last weekend and today I finally had time to transfer all my work from my old one. My old computer had a problem with the fan and I was worried about it completing dying on me and loosing everything. However, now that is something I don't have to worry about. It's all on my new computer and on my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">USB</span> stick.<br /></li></ol>Although its all pretty boring things if I hadn't been made housebound by the snow I would never have done it. So I may have not done what I was supposed to do, but I have done things I needed to do.Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-87308939111598155692009-12-17T23:23:00.005+00:002009-12-17T23:57:24.060+00:00A very strange, wierdly wonderful, productive day.Yesterday evening while I was sitting with Miss T eating Chinese, both wallowing in self pity talking about all the rubbish situations in our life at the moment, we both decided to snap out of it! We decided that we are going to try and throw this negative attitude out the window and grab onto a little bit of positivity.<br /><br />Since my last post I have had several people tell me I am anything but worthless and that they love me and I am really important to them. Although it might seem like an attention seeking ego-boost, it was so nice to hear and be reminded. My sister rang me straight after I uploaded it and sat there listening to me and explaining that I was wrong. She told me I need to change my negative outlook to a positive one. My best friend also read my blog and sent me loving messages telling me she thinks about me all the time and loves and misses her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bessie</span> very much, all the time. Being reminded sometimes is what you really need and I really think it has helped me to feel more positive.<br /><br />I am going to try the positive thinking from now. I don't want to make it a new years resolution as I think <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">that's</span> sometimes setting yourself up to fail and this is too important to me to fail at.<br /><br />A few little things making me happy and positive today:<ol><li>Meeting up with an old work friend, having a quick lunch and wondering around the shops. It was lovely to see her as I rarely get to see her. In the Summer holidays we spend so much time together but as soon as uni terms start we barely have any time to see each other. We both have so much work and she has a job, a boyfriend and lives with her family about 45 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">mins</span> outside Brighton making it very hard to see each other. Even a few hours today was lovely as I wanted to make sure I saw her before the new year started.</li><li>I bought my last Christmas present today. As I said in my Monday Blues post, I had one more present to buy for my Godfather. Today I braved the DVD shop and hunted for the perfect present and luckily I found it. So I'm completely finished.</li><li>I came home from town and did 3 loads of washing. I am so pleased to get it all out of the way. I am now ready to start packing and preparing for going away at Christmas.</li><li>I made myself a cup of tea and wrapped all my Christmas presents. One of the other tedious tasks I had to do this week was wrap everything up. I was dreading it. However, I sat down with my cup of tea and just went at it. I am actually very pleased with the job I've done. I never use Christmas paper, I always like my presents to reflect that their from me. I've decided this year they are going to reflect my favourite colour scheme black and gold, here they are:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Vx7yw1ixeOgv1f0YftoblNWzc-sYWdrG3Vl8X_Lqv66RKcivAMTYFrXmPL_1KXLoVv3jC4LUf6TQuPrbP94Q5sLWTVqs0vomV5Sdjec1k31hXxZNuUGxeZFbrR8QzEkktxKz08rrBS4S/s1600-h/IMG_2959.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Vx7yw1ixeOgv1f0YftoblNWzc-sYWdrG3Vl8X_Lqv66RKcivAMTYFrXmPL_1KXLoVv3jC4LUf6TQuPrbP94Q5sLWTVqs0vomV5Sdjec1k31hXxZNuUGxeZFbrR8QzEkktxKz08rrBS4S/s320/IMG_2959.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416354927143630418" border="0" /></a></li><li>I managed to get started on my essay which makes me slightly <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">relieved</span> and less panicky about it.</li><li>I made a lovely pasta bake for dinner with ham and mushrooms and plenty of cheese.</li><li>I painted my nails with a lovely new colour I picked up from Barry M which I think is my new favourite. It's a dark, slightly metallic, purple. I think it's gorgeous and makes my dreadful nails look alright.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiZpts2rIDcIZPayFjne-zBfT3Z_3w4C2_Pbo3v8JwiCk_AIHwZ9QMtf_X7eCSAiE-hdDIeEJFhh2vyYORkLdBe5KHHi9jFs6wbIfww5R1MHS7Yqb5K1HY6NoyhncDoGz5mJKvMAc6fOmG/s1600-h/IMG_2962.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiZpts2rIDcIZPayFjne-zBfT3Z_3w4C2_Pbo3v8JwiCk_AIHwZ9QMtf_X7eCSAiE-hdDIeEJFhh2vyYORkLdBe5KHHi9jFs6wbIfww5R1MHS7Yqb5K1HY6NoyhncDoGz5mJKvMAc6fOmG/s320/IMG_2962.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416356399937990818" border="0" /></a></li><li>Snow. When I had been in town earlier today there had been slight <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">speckles</span> of snow, but nothing to write home about. However, when I went to put the bins out just before heading to bed I clapped eyes on this:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCXU4bH6slHktpZefL_6yFEkFYQ3TFY6sg4n_aMKaIz5smJaAtygbekd4NJIfgPnNHi3sAKUI9K-A8QloylcZ5MxhZZx7tWluzdodi3Dgz9GNBc9ix1gaIVSSLaoZ04Y_p_XDbbpZYg2uj/s1600-h/IMG_2972.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCXU4bH6slHktpZefL_6yFEkFYQ3TFY6sg4n_aMKaIz5smJaAtygbekd4NJIfgPnNHi3sAKUI9K-A8QloylcZ5MxhZZx7tWluzdodi3Dgz9GNBc9ix1gaIVSSLaoZ04Y_p_XDbbpZYg2uj/s320/IMG_2972.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416357455992785458" border="0" /></a></li></ol>So those were a few things making me happy today. By focusing on the good things I'm hoping to change my mindset from focusing on all the negative.Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-40707440841019978342009-12-15T19:39:00.002+00:002009-12-15T21:40:54.921+00:00Out of sight, out of mind!I had another counselling session today and I realised another one of the many reasons I'm struggling to be happy. I have very strong beliefs in out of sight, out of mind.<br /><br />I realised that I constantly worry and get myself down thinking that all the people in my life forget about me and don't care about me because I'm not continuously in their life. I think because I'm not seeing the people I love and hold very dear to me as often as I would like it makes me think that our relationship is falling apart.<br /><br />I was talking this through with my counsellor and I think it stems from a number of issues that have happened in my life.<br /><ol><li>My parents <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">separating</span> - When my parents <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">separated</span> I think I subconsciously felt that my dad was leaving me because he didn't want me. Even though I have had many a talk with my dad, mum and sister about everything to do with the situation, with me if I get a thought in my head it takes a hell of a lot to change my opinion. Nothing has ever really changed this opinion and I think because I struggle to deal with that feeling, my dad didn't want me, how could anyone want me? I have never thought that my dad didn't love me, but maybe he didn't want to live with me and be around me a lot.<br /></li><li>Being bullied - I think being bullied from the age of 5 to 16 really made me feel worthless. I still to do this day (partly because of the situation with my ex as well) feel as if I'm not worth the time, effort, or feelings people have for me. I have very low opinions and feelings for myself. Therefore why would anyone waste time thinking about me.<br /></li><li><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Struggling</span> to live with people - Since leaving home and moving to uni I have really struggled to live with new people. Every house I've lived in there has been at least one person that I have not got on with. Although I have my own issues with the people I feel as if it's all my fault and that it's me that's hard to be around. How come everyone else can live with the person and I can't? It must be me, I'm the person people don't want to be around.</li><li>My ex - I think my ex is a major reason I have such low self esteem. When we met I was a bubbly, happy, confident 17 year old girl who really didn't care what other people thought of her. By the time I split with my boyfriend I was very restricted, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"></span>confident on the outside but inside I was a wreck. Recently my ex has made this worse. In a phone call we had he told me I was a complete mess and f**<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ked</span> up in the head that no one is ever going to want to be with me. He said I'll drive everyone away like I have him and I'll end up all on my own which is exactly what I deserve. Although when he first said it I thought it was just him trying to hurt me, its started to seep into my thoughts and now I think he's completely right.<br /></li></ol>In conclusion I feel worthless. I feel as if I am an annoyance to everyone around me. I feel like people hate being around me when they are and when there not they are thankful and just forget all about me. I'm out of sight, therefore I'm out of their minds.Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-33472377792406981142009-12-14T23:36:00.002+00:002009-12-15T00:08:00.557+00:00Monday Blues....So the weekend is over and the start of the week is here. The prospects of what I have to do this week just gives me the Blues.<br /><br />The first thing I really need to do this week is my 2,500 word essay. I study criminology and sociology at university, the essay is for my sociology module: sociology of the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Internet</span>. I am really worried though that I have picked a really stupid topic; <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">cybercrime</span>. The reason I'm so worried is that it's a crime topic but I have to write it from a sociology angle. I am concerned that I will slip into criminological writing and do really badly. Lets just hope it goes <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">OK</span>.<br /><br />The second thing that is giving me the blues is the amount of washing I need to do before heading home for Christmas. I am really bad at doing washing, I wait until the absolute last moment I can before doing it. I always wait until I literally have nothing to wear. As I'm away for 8 days and then only back for one night before heading off for another 2, I need to do it all so I can come home and pack again quickly as I won't have time to turn a wash around. I just find washing so tedious and boring, the thought has definitely put a downer on the week ahead.<br /><br />Wrapping Christmas presents is another job I have to do this weekend. I usually enjoy wrapping presents and making them look pretty but this year the thought of it is filling me with dread. I need to do it this week before I head home and I just cannot be bothered. It's so time consuming wrapping presents and I just don't feel like I have the time to sit down and make them look perfect. I don't want my presents to look shabby.<br /><br />As well as wrapping presents, I still have to finish buying them. I have one person left to buy for and its someone I really struggle to buy presents for; my godfather. It takes me hours and hours to find something and most of the time I buy something and then change my mind. Which then means the ridiculously long task of shopping has to happen again.<br /><br />I also have to meet up with so many people I haven't seen in ages and I am just not sure how I'm going to fit everything else in. Tomorrow I have counselling and doctor's appointment which always puts worries into my head. I just really don't know how I'm going to do everything and that's why I have the Monday Blues!!!Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-90476782334115519732009-12-13T20:15:00.004+00:002009-12-14T10:04:07.465+00:00The 5 Best Parts of my WeekendThe 5 best parts of my weekend are (they all revolve around a similar thing but oh well it was such a good weekend)... <ol><li>Going to London -It was so lovely going back to London (I was born and raised in London but have lived in Surrey and Brighton over the last 3 years). I don't feel the same way about as I did when I was younger, but I still love going to visit it and going back to Oxford Street, Regent Street, Leicester Square and all the other places I used to go to on a regular basis.</li><li>Having my Hair done - Up until October I had, had the same person cut my hair since my very hair cut. It got to the point in October where I was desperate for a cut but couldn't afford to travel back to London and have it done, so I eventually bucked up the courage and had it done in Brighton. This weekend my lovely Mummy treated me to a colour and trim with my old hairdresser. It was so nice being there and lovely seeing Barbara snip snip (the name my niece gave her).</li><li>Shopping - Whilst in London, my sister, Mum and I went to Oxford Street and went shopping. I love Oxford Street shopping. It has lots of my favourite shops and just has an amazing vibe about. Although it was absolutely rammed because it was a Saturday and 2 weeks before Christmas it was still amazing, it just took forever to get anywhere even just walking around the make-up stands in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Selfridges</span> took forever.</li><li>Legally <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Blonde</span> the Musical - My Mum had brought my sister and I preview tickets to see the brand new <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">musical</span> version of Legally <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Blonde</span> on stage, starring <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Sheridon</span> Smith (2 Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Gavin and Stacey, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Benidorm</span>, Johnathon Creek) and Duncan James (singer from Blue). It was absolutely amazing. All the songs were really catchy, they had real dogs playing Bruiser and Rufus who kept running about, the script and actors were really good and ridiculously hilarious. As well as this, after the performance I was able to get the majority of the actors to sign my program and I had my pictures taken with some of them. It was very cool.</li><li>Back to Brighton with Mummy - My Mum very kindly drove me back to Brighton today. Although I am on Christmas holidays I have so much work that needs doing that I have made myself stay until next week to complete one of my essays so it doesn't hang over me for too long. Mummy and I drove back together and then had a lovely afternoon shopping and eating <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Nando's</span>. My Mum had never had <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Nando's</span> so I was introducing her to my favourite food and she loved it. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">YAY</span>!!!!</li></ol>All in all my weekend was amazing. Spending 2 days with my Mummy and Sister was amazing!! I had so much fun and it has put a fat smile on my face. Here are a few pictures of the absolutely, fantastic, fun filled, ridiculously amazing weekend.....<br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0MatpYE9ULpqNHB5iLzPHw4qolQtnXTTgc95UORZlNkQwzKt_8DdMH-VIQUgcFfE_Z_352e6LZoWKwMMHTxRDpEteHW4vqwNVp0AjfV1ORU0mlqbszAbn1LM_gr914CKi1UzmBqVF2hPs/s1600-h/IMG_1936.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414822864449214034" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0MatpYE9ULpqNHB5iLzPHw4qolQtnXTTgc95UORZlNkQwzKt_8DdMH-VIQUgcFfE_Z_352e6LZoWKwMMHTxRDpEteHW4vqwNVp0AjfV1ORU0mlqbszAbn1LM_gr914CKi1UzmBqVF2hPs/s320/IMG_1936.JPG" /></a><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(255,0,0)"><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3d4dKBoxehgXrj-7ki16RcnvY5z1xqVwfny_xjEfsE5PorEA6oELOVAipip9qan-VR9c4bJoI_cG8GUNiDnYOv_lDB6upgRSXSx0R4fvecIi5RuQYAUeEVJcxI7NulHMSBiwWWGzEvhSW/s1600-h/IMG_1955.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414823349254438722" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3d4dKBoxehgXrj-7ki16RcnvY5z1xqVwfny_xjEfsE5PorEA6oELOVAipip9qan-VR9c4bJoI_cG8GUNiDnYOv_lDB6upgRSXSx0R4fvecIi5RuQYAUeEVJcxI7NulHMSBiwWWGzEvhSW/s320/IMG_1955.JPG" /></a><span style="COLOR: rgb(255,0,0);font-size:85%;" ><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Sheridon</span> Smith and Me!</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinb4_-ICmkjJdBtiAIzuqQKTgqBI9UQhk5pmwxnPc3iX1wqIsKkYriVocqbAbhxviweevMnf8Fj3GMj2WQpbsmK5SZlle5OTxPmxOBDqMlBp19Qh88IYPcsHEF26gDNpbF6-xBK9Hp3cCh/s1600-h/IMG_1956.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414823604092492450" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinb4_-ICmkjJdBtiAIzuqQKTgqBI9UQhk5pmwxnPc3iX1wqIsKkYriVocqbAbhxviweevMnf8Fj3GMj2WQpbsmK5SZlle5OTxPmxOBDqMlBp19Qh88IYPcsHEF26gDNpbF6-xBK9Hp3cCh/s320/IMG_1956.JPG" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="COLOR: rgb(255,0,0)">Me and Duncan James!</span></span> </div></div>Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-57420567888765067692009-12-10T23:39:00.012+00:002009-12-11T00:08:20.873+00:00So our plan failed!Miss Shep and I sat down with the full intention to watch all 9 films, however, a late night for Miss Shep (she had been out and then lost her phone so was up all night trying to sort it out) and a very restless night sleep for me (I stayed with Miss T but we both had far to much going round our heads so were unable to sleep soundly) has meant that we are folding early. The eyes are closing and the yawns are coming far too often. We have reached the end of film 4 defeated. We are both heading to our beds with the full intention of finishing this musical marathon off after Christmas. Whilst watching the 4 films we did discuss adding a few more movies to the collection. A few of my particular favourites that I would very much like added to the list include (in no particular order):<br /><br /><ol><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirIV-c6EwS-5zI8ifPn6s0VZNRwg7lMfd5ZGNPzeC-mnZNoagRhVOZJAJ9FFIU2LQt0S_avS_F7oojkykIY0dyvBaAcMxovLntX314_YD8s_aDY79-8Wny8r4Whcf3UR6ZVWSr_vOA0xsI/s1600-h/Grease.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 295px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirIV-c6EwS-5zI8ifPn6s0VZNRwg7lMfd5ZGNPzeC-mnZNoagRhVOZJAJ9FFIU2LQt0S_avS_F7oojkykIY0dyvBaAcMxovLntX314_YD8s_aDY79-8Wny8r4Whcf3UR6ZVWSr_vOA0xsI/s320/Grease.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413758052244612722" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Dp-giPDFYlI-xhMFtjwrGjJVtRIJMCuJvhvaeabXXG03TkmHkdkZOzTG-sXAQr_XFDhXC7LHSeSOBut13jB2BaPBXvNiae_7bFQKNt5-Tj4aTQ000eJHE2lTqqe8n4D-4oedASUP9TlC/s1600-h/on+the+town.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 280px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Dp-giPDFYlI-xhMFtjwrGjJVtRIJMCuJvhvaeabXXG03TkmHkdkZOzTG-sXAQr_XFDhXC7LHSeSOBut13jB2BaPBXvNiae_7bFQKNt5-Tj4aTQ000eJHE2lTqqe8n4D-4oedASUP9TlC/s320/on+the+town.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413758273658609522" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv2Jr4NONBaGaK1CYtQvzjOUogr5h3EyAIv9JXCYKT8zuQ5DweNkmRcp7qkgEMTdaksHx38EUX4cuIYGWhtJgStaYMCTaPlqy87OA_T43hyphenhyphenQyT-UlC9Nm6wFP83E6Qb0DXx7wdGZBXvuK8/s1600-h/throughly-modern-millie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 224px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv2Jr4NONBaGaK1CYtQvzjOUogr5h3EyAIv9JXCYKT8zuQ5DweNkmRcp7qkgEMTdaksHx38EUX4cuIYGWhtJgStaYMCTaPlqy87OA_T43hyphenhyphenQyT-UlC9Nm6wFP83E6Qb0DXx7wdGZBXvuK8/s320/throughly-modern-millie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413758866678163442" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpu-wW8OCZH9_YG4rDRMGjPhVaISPp77r6wzhUDV6Z9P9dKb0Ee7x0xGPxkkOlNF3G7EIwUlfbuVIOwx_X10F0koJH8PXpR3noh-SwbotDwmxiEqz5KElvqbl2XbgO7wKoqtUcZG7YQOr1/s1600-h/seven+brides+for+seven+brothers.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpu-wW8OCZH9_YG4rDRMGjPhVaISPp77r6wzhUDV6Z9P9dKb0Ee7x0xGPxkkOlNF3G7EIwUlfbuVIOwx_X10F0koJH8PXpR3noh-SwbotDwmxiEqz5KElvqbl2XbgO7wKoqtUcZG7YQOr1/s320/seven+brides+for+seven+brothers.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413759402213790962" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh42xaIAWVG8BZtGGluFpf3E3CRZkX2h__tWf4MaQCzc19gsQzy7ktuEp6K6LeTpSS4s6GBIiXG3tDDZAXvy9twFtO7tgIDIXR9et1Ow1R0AFEWk0AFxCWo6UBvmbomnL4yDHK6xHGwq08F/s1600-h/oliver.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 223px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh42xaIAWVG8BZtGGluFpf3E3CRZkX2h__tWf4MaQCzc19gsQzy7ktuEp6K6LeTpSS4s6GBIiXG3tDDZAXvy9twFtO7tgIDIXR9et1Ow1R0AFEWk0AFxCWo6UBvmbomnL4yDHK6xHGwq08F/s320/oliver.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413759679558118930" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeqJRllxewIqNiFSW0Q-_wbngg91HQBByo21omAROOV7QlvtV-W9vVtjgj0GOZhrwQGm-Sr2bGwC4UoLUjqE69vpEz-JnJh6bpMs6lsorvFFCEWsImWPqy_ywrWtO5FckmixmbXB6MTFGq/s1600-h/king+and+i.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 228px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeqJRllxewIqNiFSW0Q-_wbngg91HQBByo21omAROOV7QlvtV-W9vVtjgj0GOZhrwQGm-Sr2bGwC4UoLUjqE69vpEz-JnJh6bpMs6lsorvFFCEWsImWPqy_ywrWtO5FckmixmbXB6MTFGq/s320/king+and+i.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413760077747820114" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWKwShZeuCDxIeZMWk20sHxbboauGh7i9YYPMjqLHQBLhR1pK01MGt4NVMJ3rhL8lD342y3M8xdxvZApPWV1GjT5YAsk0yCoBs5zk-TIqvnTHkycVJMPbh9PINyD_deHxEfO5cMldMKN6Q/s1600-h/west_side_story.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 238px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWKwShZeuCDxIeZMWk20sHxbboauGh7i9YYPMjqLHQBLhR1pK01MGt4NVMJ3rhL8lD342y3M8xdxvZApPWV1GjT5YAsk0yCoBs5zk-TIqvnTHkycVJMPbh9PINyD_deHxEfO5cMldMKN6Q/s320/west_side_story.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413760504721694658" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDWYRQLo5NzIYOmPbSQ5uKe3_vQc98_ueywgtJZafT-wDE2LeM9aE9q6P1UZjA_x-etUBbqP7-CyvbimqGJVZ_-xLN8W_waopY46MAV7QyUjZTR6G5QnRU7a6KeRUxMvdwsJ_d5-ynkHoH/s1600-h/south+pacific.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDWYRQLo5NzIYOmPbSQ5uKe3_vQc98_ueywgtJZafT-wDE2LeM9aE9q6P1UZjA_x-etUBbqP7-CyvbimqGJVZ_-xLN8W_waopY46MAV7QyUjZTR6G5QnRU7a6KeRUxMvdwsJ_d5-ynkHoH/s320/south+pacific.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413760794372246946" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiU7dAH3oUvNhhfiHOlweyCTICBtYIt2ELzpc3eUcXTlEaQKIPFOP_IqW7flzPSyIv2XCh0VPdgXc-3RKFQlo6HKnUEZPVevL9zhfWJociMqaZxaMfxIsWgEUoFxMJmRcxQWpN7D3YEMHv/s1600-h/sound-of-music.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 235px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiU7dAH3oUvNhhfiHOlweyCTICBtYIt2ELzpc3eUcXTlEaQKIPFOP_IqW7flzPSyIv2XCh0VPdgXc-3RKFQlo6HKnUEZPVevL9zhfWJociMqaZxaMfxIsWgEUoFxMJmRcxQWpN7D3YEMHv/s320/sound-of-music.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413761402320203714" border="0" /></a></li><li><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-WzAq7-bAA2Q9-isvYm9aNJEnZqDcaJ_RAnuwYJFpABWAgoyIfFxavFISI5RA5DhsAl6XkQhyphenhyphenLFBAB-NWr3mq9EajUMGE8lm05r_s76X99eobK2mQ7pyjysUNsd8THutoKxVxrb1Z-FKq/s1600-h/My+fair+lady.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 229px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-WzAq7-bAA2Q9-isvYm9aNJEnZqDcaJ_RAnuwYJFpABWAgoyIfFxavFISI5RA5DhsAl6XkQhyphenhyphenLFBAB-NWr3mq9EajUMGE8lm05r_s76X99eobK2mQ7pyjysUNsd8THutoKxVxrb1Z-FKq/s320/My+fair+lady.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413762660017491458" border="0" /></a></li></ol>To name but just a few.....I forgot how many musicals I love. If you guys know of anymore or I have forgotten any really really important ones please let me know! Miss Shep and me are very much looking to widen our collection and settle down to a year of musicals. xxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-3878443192963688422009-12-10T21:51:00.002+00:002009-12-10T22:15:29.048+00:00Up/DownGoing up ...<br /><br /><ol><li>Christmas holidays - today was my last day of uni for 3 weeks! The holidays have officially started!</li><li>London's Calling - as you may have read on my <a href="http://loveaudrey-loveaudrey.blogspot.com/">lovely sister's blog </a>we are off to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">London</span> tomorrow for a weekend of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">girly</span> fun. My mum, sister and I will be having our hair done, eating lots of lovely food, shopping and on Saturday evening we are off to see Legally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Blonde</span> the Musical.<br /></li><li>Mr Kipling - Yesterday whilst in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Sainsbury's</span> I noticed Mr <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Kiplings</span> apple pies on offer. I had to get them. I love Mr Kipling products, especially the apple pies! They are to die for and they put a smile on my face. It's also lucky that Miss Shep doesn't like them.....I have them all to myself.</li><li>Butter Popcorn - I love snuggling up on the sofa, watching a film and eating butter popcorn. I am not one for sweet popcorn. If I go to the cinema I eat salted and if <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">I'm</span> at home I always have butter. Yummy!!</li><li>Musicals - whilst I write this Miss Shep and me are on film number 4 - Mary Poppins. Sitting here watching all these Musicals reminds me just how much I love them. I love all the songs, the dancing, the amazing stories, the random way songs start out of the blue, well just about everything, they are amazing!!<br /></li></ol>Going down ...<br /><br /><ol><li>Still feeling funny about my ex - the feelings from Tuesday night are still lingering. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I'm not sure what's wrong with me.</li><li>Christmas presents still to buy - now that my holiday's have started it just reminds me how close Christmas is and the fact that I still have loads of presents to buy.</li><li>Christmas holidays - I will miss all my friends <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">a lot</span>. They have all been so supportive to me recently and now I'm not going to see them for 3 weeks.</li><li>New phone - the fact that I am still 13 days away from my upgrade. Miss Shep's new phone arrived today and it has reminded me how in need of mine I am. I cannot cope with my old phone anymore, it is driving me mad.<br /></li><li>Packing - although I am excited about tomorrow I still have that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">extremely</span> tedious task of packing. I always leave it to the last minute, I can just never face having to do it. At this rate I am going to have to get up early and do it. Even more annoying!</li></ol>Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-5904917633756405332009-12-10T13:41:00.013+00:002009-12-10T14:57:45.457+00:00Xmas celebrations with Miss Shep!!Tonight is my last night with Miss Shep before we head off home for Christmas holidays and we have chosen an amazing way to celebrate food, popcorn, sweets, hot <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">chocolate</span> and MUSICALS!!!! We have 9 DVDs set up and ready to watch.<br /><br />We are starting off with Annie. Annie was not a film I watched a lot when I was child but it is a classic musical. Lots of classic songs and a happy ending. What more could you ask for.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimQ_F3p83WAmCqTDqLK6Ebz9oZ4ZvPRa-y4UDdtcoy3FX82Sd5zR2WMh8BcBO-pIiBb6zcE5BUnpnOgfhgbwdkvly2kUdX6ZPyNOJxttc5-V8-VHnNTGujBNa_P72AZCLGZc5ejPsrgl-p/s1600-h/Annie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimQ_F3p83WAmCqTDqLK6Ebz9oZ4ZvPRa-y4UDdtcoy3FX82Sd5zR2WMh8BcBO-pIiBb6zcE5BUnpnOgfhgbwdkvly2kUdX6ZPyNOJxttc5-V8-VHnNTGujBNa_P72AZCLGZc5ejPsrgl-p/s320/Annie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413605179794958946" border="0" /></a>This is then followed by The Wizard of Oz. I love this film! I used to watch it all the time when I was younger! I loved the ruby slippers, the yellow brick road, the scarecrow, the tin man, the lion, the munchkins, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Toto</span>, the emerald city. It's just an amazing story. It's a wonderland of myths and magic. I love it!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkpL7viAWe7Ug6DRSjgFb_ZAtIwqmfn38KIzltJK9l3PghGT_uOIFAyipTCdIGIPqxMOeMD74LE8ROuRnqL5TLlAtea1VwtQiFw1mxyJmHc8EGghyphenhyphent0kmUUSPP-vMheMLumAtDyagA4qPE/s1600-h/wizard-of-oz.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 211px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkpL7viAWe7Ug6DRSjgFb_ZAtIwqmfn38KIzltJK9l3PghGT_uOIFAyipTCdIGIPqxMOeMD74LE8ROuRnqL5TLlAtea1VwtQiFw1mxyJmHc8EGghyphenhyphent0kmUUSPP-vMheMLumAtDyagA4qPE/s320/wizard-of-oz.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413606573196097442" border="0" /></a>Number 3 on the list is one of my all time favourite films, EVER!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Bugsy</span> Malone!!! When we were younger we had this on video recorded off the TV. I used to watch it all the time. I had a very bad habit of touching buttons when I was younger and managed to record over some of it, but it never stopped me watching it. I loved Tallulah and the song My name is Tallulah. I used to love that it was kids but an adult story, the guns that shot out cream, all the songs in it as well are amazing. (I actually have the music on my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ipod</span> and listen to it all the time, its hard sometimes on the bus to hold back singing out loud). I would recommended watching it if you haven't seen it before, its so so so so good!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoAdd_oNuwkJm-VkjPfpdaZR5SxTTGcEnBfNIJSsaGuwVIhBl3BlW3lcW0uSx9k8SF3uZkgkYwvdAArdOWTBuXDlGci7uarpzhXru0HnhzbAsLeaRMIPk28cDHi6YXREIQ8_T9BnU82rdC/s1600-h/bugsy-malone.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoAdd_oNuwkJm-VkjPfpdaZR5SxTTGcEnBfNIJSsaGuwVIhBl3BlW3lcW0uSx9k8SF3uZkgkYwvdAArdOWTBuXDlGci7uarpzhXru0HnhzbAsLeaRMIPk28cDHi6YXREIQ8_T9BnU82rdC/s320/bugsy-malone.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413608149050819234" border="0" /></a>After <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Bugsy</span> we are watching my favourite film from childhood. At one point the only way my Mum could get me to sit down and eat lunch was to put this film on. The songs remind me of my childhood, the main character was the most amazing woman to me in the world, I always wanted the story to be true, I wanted to be able to do what they did in the film. It is just amazing and the film is .........<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiboSrXW_toMYVavsQj2ZBUkecFiIfArv-dPaQxzbFqsKYTnVewaCocGX0GJN_I0Nj2ZsvLPJF8EIlgrNGZ26R3NuMLfRVugWF0hSCFSK0TBARsUZUKu1gGj-cG2Y0WgYiOeENz6jxEM0EN/s1600-h/Mary+Poppins.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 222px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiboSrXW_toMYVavsQj2ZBUkecFiIfArv-dPaQxzbFqsKYTnVewaCocGX0GJN_I0Nj2ZsvLPJF8EIlgrNGZ26R3NuMLfRVugWF0hSCFSK0TBARsUZUKu1gGj-cG2Y0WgYiOeENz6jxEM0EN/s320/Mary+Poppins.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413609965368080082" border="0" /></a>Mary Poppins is the most amazing person in the world. She has a magic bag and can pull anything she wants out of it, she can jump into pictures and go into an exciting magical world. Even thinking about it, I turn back into a child. Mary Poppins is going to be followed by our next musical, Hairspray. Hairspray is just like Annie, a perfect musical. Catchy, fun songs, amazing characters that you fall in love with and a happy ending. We are watching the remake staring John Travolta, Michelle <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Pheiffer</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Zac</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Efron</span>. John Travolta's character is my favourite, I have always thought John Travolta was an amazing actor and seeing him play a character nothing like the usual parts he takes, makes you see just how amazing he is.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DO5eGeV4Ulq9Y41wSMN5w5ySnpvdrW2Ut4k6nKhm7r1AfAH_TYlTN8idQwgfpRX6E8pZx0qnwvXDB-ZFORa2fErBIbF0tRWvBvpK7ba3-BtbF8FoEcXyHpcFkUM1dV1rM6P6OjlRtZem/s1600-h/hairspray-poster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DO5eGeV4Ulq9Y41wSMN5w5ySnpvdrW2Ut4k6nKhm7r1AfAH_TYlTN8idQwgfpRX6E8pZx0qnwvXDB-ZFORa2fErBIbF0tRWvBvpK7ba3-BtbF8FoEcXyHpcFkUM1dV1rM6P6OjlRtZem/s320/hairspray-poster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413612235167205266" border="0" /></a>Number 6 on the list is a film I absolutely love and I'm so excited about watching it because Miss Shep has never properly seen it. It is a film that I used to watch as a child. Whenever I watch it I think of my sister and my Dad because it's a film we all love and used to watch all the time. The film is Singing in The Rain. When I was younger I used to put my umbrella up and run round the playground in the rain singing, just like Gene Kelly. It is amazing! Another film I think you need to watch if you have never seen it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ASjAnfUupCeYcVJHW0wrn-oItdJP1c-a9nSq3216n8ZZddUTtYr3rUY52IjeyP7WZCsB_SbW39K8chjdX6K5c6DEGxefR5DLLwq_hLC0KmfYzXFQuxvVBgdFONrmnbczf6Na6jzSuLVH/s1600-h/singin_in_the_rain.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ASjAnfUupCeYcVJHW0wrn-oItdJP1c-a9nSq3216n8ZZddUTtYr3rUY52IjeyP7WZCsB_SbW39K8chjdX6K5c6DEGxefR5DLLwq_hLC0KmfYzXFQuxvVBgdFONrmnbczf6Na6jzSuLVH/s320/singin_in_the_rain.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413614649957728274" border="0" /></a>Following this we will be watching <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Baz</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Luhrmann's</span> amazing film, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Moulin</span> Rouge. When this film came out I fell in love with it. The soundtrack is amazing and I used to listen to it over and over again when I was younger. I think the story is so amazing and emotional. I also love the fact that they took really well known songs (two of my particular favourites are Madonna's Like a Virgin and The Police's Roxanne) and changed them round to fit with the film. I also loved the cast and the fact we saw Nicole <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Kidman</span> and Ewan <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">McGregor</span> sing which was totally new when the film was released. It's a newer musical but I think it fits into the category perfectly.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUvd7cImLXcarCEaM1feiTizF7SfD9xh9gzIUCCCa8EcM3xIj32svF0qOdAiogv1KdPt7Jd1E-ppf-g3E2ha85E_ynd17BSQFKoYnOJL3SBW2v4WHuAJIjmZnR9Fe2pZhgXrLrLup1MoBx/s1600-h/moulin-rouge.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 219px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUvd7cImLXcarCEaM1feiTizF7SfD9xh9gzIUCCCa8EcM3xIj32svF0qOdAiogv1KdPt7Jd1E-ppf-g3E2ha85E_ynd17BSQFKoYnOJL3SBW2v4WHuAJIjmZnR9Fe2pZhgXrLrLup1MoBx/s320/moulin-rouge.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413616726256826754" border="0" /></a>The penultimate film is Chicago. This is one I've seen thousands of time. I saw it on stage as well and it made me fall even more in love with the story. I love the dancing, the singing and the outfits. It's amazing. Just like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Moulin</span> Rouge I love to see Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Zellweger</span> and Richard <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Gere</span> singing and being totally different to the usual characters they play.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkxMh-66sTqHPT7pofqam1eYfKEQPWOFBF8lx4iHOjoexc4ltsnSpd2AdmRD674HLZOSDOuUzRqMCXiIOwmPSrYJ7lfneMwtglNXK2AzQFPt_A7hLIxsLFcfESUWt2gKCUOanV7XHfxcg/s1600-h/chicago.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkxMh-66sTqHPT7pofqam1eYfKEQPWOFBF8lx4iHOjoexc4ltsnSpd2AdmRD674HLZOSDOuUzRqMCXiIOwmPSrYJ7lfneMwtglNXK2AzQFPt_A7hLIxsLFcfESUWt2gKCUOanV7XHfxcg/s320/chicago.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413618872316424498" border="0" /></a><br />The last film is Sweeney Todd. I have never seen this film but Miss Shep tells me it should be included in the Musical night. I am always interested in new musicals and am very much looking forward to seeing it. Most people I've spoken to about this film have told me its awful, mind these are people that laugh at me for loving <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">musicals</span> so I don't think there opinion matters. I really hope it does not disappoint.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7azQ4irjlghSe2PSmiRNI83bPw0FIhIgGRiq7biOSnQ-S8D7s7IOMqDKoMhIhaANcGAW3RZrAEulCnVl79ayUeRoFxrNTKPBw9IEaNcG2yhiuaf-sDZFA-Jx9uq5XF1kKxGaKrZMX-_S/s1600-h/SweeneyTodd.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 236px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7azQ4irjlghSe2PSmiRNI83bPw0FIhIgGRiq7biOSnQ-S8D7s7IOMqDKoMhIhaANcGAW3RZrAEulCnVl79ayUeRoFxrNTKPBw9IEaNcG2yhiuaf-sDZFA-Jx9uq5XF1kKxGaKrZMX-_S/s320/SweeneyTodd.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413619678763181442" border="0" /></a>9 films in one night is going to be hard to handle, but totally worth it. Although all these films are amazing, some of my favourites are missing. I'm hoping some of them are on TV over Christmas. I can't wait for Miss Shep to come home so the evening can start!Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-75897007554148961152009-12-09T21:14:00.003+00:002009-12-09T21:34:30.382+00:00Last night I saw him!Yesterday evening as it was my friends birthday I decided to brave going out for the first time in 8 weeks. I had been petrified the last few months to step out the house especially at night <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">in case</span> I bumped into my ex. I had avoided going out at any cost because I was just too panicked. However, last night I decided to change this and with the help of Miss T and her housemates I had the courage to go out.<br /><br />We had gone to a small club first of all and were just dancing. I was actually having a reasonably good time. Miss T was rather drunk and was making me laugh a lot. We were about to leave and go on to a larger club but one of our friends had gone missing. We were calling her and couldn't find her anywhere. I started to look round the club but she was no where to be seen. As I was walking back to find everyone else I saw my two old housemates, the ones that live with my ex now. I started really panicking. I could feel my heart pounding through my chest. I just ran out of the club and was trying to take some deep breathes to calm myself down. One of the boys came out and was trying to speak to me but I really couldn't face it. I then turned to talk to Miss T and out of the corner of my eye I saw my ex walking into the club. As soon as I saw him I ran. I ran away from the club and my friends. I rang my housemate and she came and collected me.<br /><br />By the time I got home I was in a terrible state. I couldn't stop crying. I was so angry at myself for getting so upset. I didn't even speak to him. I ran away before anything could happen. But I was so disappointed at how I had reacted. I felt really <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">embarrassed</span> and ashamed. I felt as if I had taken a massive step backwards and everything I had been doing to feel better was a waste of time.<br /><br />Today I've been really upset and angry. I can't get over any of the feelings I felt yesterday. I'm not sure what to do to calm myself down. I keep going over and over it. I want to feel <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> about everything, I want to be able to leave the house without fearing seeing him, I want to be able to see him and not be affected. However, other than just giving it time I'm not sure what else I can do. I just can't wait though, I want things to be <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> now.Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-60643221718474426612009-12-06T17:50:00.002+00:002009-12-06T18:04:41.266+00:00The 5 Best Parts of my WeekendSo this weekend I have really enjoyed.....<br /><br /><ol><li>Shopping - Although <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Friday</span> doesn't really count as a weekend day, it does for me as I don't uni on that day. I very much enjoyed my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Christmas</span> shopping trip with Miss Shep, eating <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Nando's</span> and all the treats I bought my myself.</li><li>Charity football game at uni - On <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Saturday</span> Miss Shep and I went to watch a fun game of football. The first team football boys against the first team rugby boys. It was so funny. The rugby boys beat them 5-2 and then they did <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">penalties</span> as an extra and the rugby boys won that as well. As a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">for fit</span> the football teams goal keeper had to play in his boxers in the pouring rain and freezing cold wind. It was hilarious.</li><li>Mushroom and Ham pasta Bake - For dinner on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Friday</span> I made a huge pasta bake. It was so big I had enough to re-heat for dinner on Saturday as well. I love this dish, its really filling and warming. I used to make it regularly with my housemate Double D, and I missed him being here to enjoy it with me. But we had a little text talk about it which was lovely as well.</li><li>Filing - although it sounds boring. I love filing. It makes me happy being organised with my work. Less stressful when I have to start doing coursework. It makes it all a much easier process, which is exactly what I need with the coursework I have over Christmas.<br /></li><li>Late night phone calls with an old friend - last night an old friend called me. I sat up for hours on the phone to him laughing and joking around. Also on Friday night as I mentioned in a previous post I had a 2 hour conversation with Kev B. I love old friends calling and having massive catch ups.<br /></li></ol>All in all, a pretty good weekend! Hope you all had a good weekend! xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-70746129992633989202009-12-05T19:52:00.007+00:002009-12-05T20:33:28.246+00:00A few little things cheering me up!Yesterday when I went Christmas shopping I bought myself a few little treats to cheer me up!
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibhUrABCT9vD0EQokBlO00l7YdRXYVB0NU5q4_zeoLNPoc6kQSxkRwFcn03CWf8ODBLSxF_oF570iTaKjeHudEDPak3xx6tRAInGXGAnYQ3aZmkaOolcrPxEggTflRA3z-D0qWsO2yu_i5/s1600-h/IMG_2954.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibhUrABCT9vD0EQokBlO00l7YdRXYVB0NU5q4_zeoLNPoc6kQSxkRwFcn03CWf8ODBLSxF_oF570iTaKjeHudEDPak3xx6tRAInGXGAnYQ3aZmkaOolcrPxEggTflRA3z-D0qWsO2yu_i5/s320/IMG_2954.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411845734920297362" border="0" /></a>I bought these two skirts from H and M. It's very <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">weird</span> for me to wear colour, I feel most comfortable in all black but I saw these two and couldn't resist. I love the colours purple and turquoise and can wear both these skirts with my usual colour black and add something else to my outfit.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvsOlOo9jOudLg4LIl56fTOL0CPufDcebFG0vX3eEYHTp1GqQ2e-vawmDbd3cv_EinePk-eq2R28T1MxhwUiM5ojqdbRKoegUSC4SBvEBGWgwMWavCHJ49aN8Bvmq9yhe0_kdBPBYAwSLx/s1600-h/IMG_2955.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvsOlOo9jOudLg4LIl56fTOL0CPufDcebFG0vX3eEYHTp1GqQ2e-vawmDbd3cv_EinePk-eq2R28T1MxhwUiM5ojqdbRKoegUSC4SBvEBGWgwMWavCHJ49aN8Bvmq9yhe0_kdBPBYAwSLx/s320/IMG_2955.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411846937941063858" border="0" /></a> I also picked up this lace vest. I love lace and think it can make something simple look really dressy!! I bought this vest because you can wear it on a night out all dressed up but then wear it during the day with a simple outfit and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cardy</span></span>. Can't wait to wear it!! It is also in my favourite colour, even better!! The last clothes purchase was this military style top.
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteuW6EPxz0EPMX9AvWzsL_4FHztn1jqRMCqXTrC4yIVyeb67v9RHtJJN4FLXbscAuiPQuffEtaVVZd-pH6cxrHtUblRhQ6Roj9fD2l2yMr7uEPda9Im_0hxdpCVEGDWmbxMJltkK271Ke/s1600-h/IMG_2956.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteuW6EPxz0EPMX9AvWzsL_4FHztn1jqRMCqXTrC4yIVyeb67v9RHtJJN4FLXbscAuiPQuffEtaVVZd-pH6cxrHtUblRhQ6Roj9fD2l2yMr7uEPda9Im_0hxdpCVEGDWmbxMJltkK271Ke/s320/IMG_2956.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411848231982228834" border="0" /></a>I love the gold <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">embellishment</span>. Black and gold is something I love together, it has been one of my favourite looks for a very long time now. I especially love that this top has a military style, it is a style that I have wanted to wear since it came into all the shops but haven't found anything I really love (probably because most of it is in colours that I don't like) until I found this. I wore it out today with a simple black skirt, tights, black <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">cardy</span> and leather boots (<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">unfortunately</span> didn't take any pictures as I got absolutely drenched watching football and had to come home and change straight away before I caught pneumonia).
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<br />The very last thing I bought was Barry M's grey nail varnish. <meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CNixxter%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:595.3pt 841.9pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style>I just love it! I came home from football, changed, made a cup of tea and painted my nails. Winter does really horrible things to my nails and I also don't think the stress has helped but I think this colour has made them look half decent again.
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuKs9CMVPk0Rn3ECU0xsgNvfAXYGv4PAhfzw5nYgth-aGfjMLxEnQCh42kXv3ug8XuMckJh_qz5O2_vDzoCMVZx-vcFZNz6i38vg7XZo_oQNTsmRiAokwMkW6sQWNQ8uusWJuQUmcpnCUR/s1600-h/IMG_2958.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuKs9CMVPk0Rn3ECU0xsgNvfAXYGv4PAhfzw5nYgth-aGfjMLxEnQCh42kXv3ug8XuMckJh_qz5O2_vDzoCMVZx-vcFZNz6i38vg7XZo_oQNTsmRiAokwMkW6sQWNQ8uusWJuQUmcpnCUR/s320/IMG_2958.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411852352370632274" border="0" /></a>These few little things have cheered me a little bit and I can't wait to wear all my new things out.
<br />Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-593127584646630692009-12-05T00:15:00.003+00:002009-12-05T00:38:11.111+00:00My Best Friend Kev B!!<span style="font-family: verdana;">I just wanted to write a post dedicated to my best friend. I have just spent the last 2 hours on the phone to her and it was so lovely!!! She really is the best friend a girl could ever have! I rang because I was feeling down and by the end of the phone conversation I was smiling and laughing.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">We had a massive reminisce about old times, spending time in my old house, living together, going out and school!! We talked about all the people we used to go to school with and it was so funny remembering people we never see anymore and remembering all the stupid things we used to do.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I just wanted to say a massive thank you to her for everything over the last 10 years. I miss her so much and love her lots and lots!! She has been especially great recently (she is great all the time obviously), letting me text her whenever I feel down and sending me amazing advice, speaking to me for hours on end and letting me poor my heart out to her and then making me smile and laugh. Whenever I talk to her I feel like my old self again, and although it may only be for a few hours its amazing! </span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJh9u9-OVnDzu245I5V1bdDlDKmpRvkJQYG_6ALOrLx7h3QksZvRIf2T2QZQRja63MkZM2fn8LCGv2krQcxW7lGkKusHZSWiylJE1acCxUcD82cBLb7EG2tKx1IYFB5LTSvQIacbfgxrAK/s1600-h/159+%282%29.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJh9u9-OVnDzu245I5V1bdDlDKmpRvkJQYG_6ALOrLx7h3QksZvRIf2T2QZQRja63MkZM2fn8LCGv2krQcxW7lGkKusHZSWiylJE1acCxUcD82cBLb7EG2tKx1IYFB5LTSvQIacbfgxrAK/s320/159+%282%29.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411542414492454914" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Me and Kev B at my 21st Birthday!! Showing her my drunken love with kisses!!!</span><br /></span></span></div>Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-73089426927335535902009-12-04T21:22:00.003+00:002009-12-05T00:11:54.599+00:00Feeling Down Again!After uploading a few happy posts, it upsets me to have to upload a post about being down again.<br /><br />I had been feeling really happy and less panicky the past week. I had been smiling, laughing and enjoying myself again, however, yesterday all my sadness, frowning face and crying came back.<br /><br />It started when I went to the supermarket. I walked in and felt the panicky feeling come back. My mouth went really dry, my heart started pounding through my chest, my hands were shaking and I felt scared. I think I was worried about bumping into my ex, I know that he uses that supermarket and that thought just kept going through my head. When I got home I got really angry at myself for letting something so stupid get to me. I can't put my life on hold because of him. I can't let him stop me from doing something so simple like going to the supermarket. I just wish that I could get over this and move on from it.<br /><br />I slept really badly. I think I was letting it get to me. I just kept thinking about him and how stupid I was for letting it all get to me. I lay awake for hours, tossing and turning.<br /><br />Today I spent the whole day <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Christmas</span> shopping. It was quite nice to be out all day with Miss Shep. We went to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Nando's</span> for lunch, which was amazing because I love <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Nando's</span>. It is my favourite food in the world and I felt good because it was the first proper meal I had eaten in weeks. However, these feelings of happiness were short lived. I had to go and drop my friends birthday present over to him. It was really nerve racking for me as my friend lives with my ex. I rang my friend and asked him to meet outside but still standing outside his house knowing my ex was inside scared me a lot. I felt completely powerless. My friend was really understanding and came out gave me a hug, his girlfriend was there as well and she came outside to say hi. I spoke to them for a little bit but couldn't wait to get away. As soon as I got back in the car and drove off I felt relief. Miss Shep made me feel slightly better, she made me realise that what I did was hard and I should hold on to the fact I did it. I went to the house, it may have only been outside, but its my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ex's</span> house and I still went there even though there was a small chance I could see him. But I still didn't like how I felt about it.<br /><br />I think I'm feeling down because I felt as if I had made so much progress and now I feel like I'm right back where I started. I get especially annoyed that my ex upsets me because I feel as if its not even a big deal.<br /><br />I'm sorry to have written a depressive post but writing on here makes me feel a lot better. Even if no one is reading it at least I'm not locking it up and telling no one.Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-47981563960037080772009-12-03T20:21:00.003+00:002009-12-05T13:33:26.348+00:00Up/DownGoing up...<br /><ul><li>Feeling happy - my positive, happy feelings have been really good recently. I have been smiling and laughing a lot more. I'm beginning to feel like my old self.</li><li>Finishing my coursework - I finally handed in the piece of coursework that's been hanging over me for weeks now. It's such a relief to not have to think about it anymore.</li><li>4 hours left of uni - from today I only have 4 more hours of uni until I break up for Christmas holidays, I cannot wait to go home and see all my family.</li><li>Left over pizza for dinner - my favourite part of take away pizza is eating it cold the next day! I just love it!<br /></li><li>5 Day weekend - I have no uni tomorrow, then its the weekend and I don't have uni again until Wednesday!! How lovely is that?</li><li>Hot Chocolate and Never Mind the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Buzzcocks</span> - snuggling up on the sofa with a big cup of hot chocolate and watching old episodes of Never Mind the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Buzzcocks</span>.</li><li>A week until hair and legally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">blonde</span> - A week tomorrow I am travelling to London to stay with my Mum. My sister is coming as well. We are having our hair done on Saturday morning and then going to see the new legally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">blonde</span> musical in the evening. I cannot wait!!!<br /></li></ul><br />Going Down...<br /><ul><li>The ridiculously cold weather - today whilst waiting at the bus stop I felt the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">icey</span> cold creeping in! It was horrible, my nose was freezing and bright red, my hands were like blocks of ice and toes felt as if they had fallen off.</li><li>Waiting around uni for 3 hours for no reason - I had to go to uni early to hand in my coursework in and then waited 3 hours to do some group work to find out that none of my group were coming in!!!!! I was not best pleased! I could have gone home and got back into bed.</li><li>Still feeling panicky - I started get the panicky feelings again today. I was in the supermarket and felt really uncomfortable, then I felt my heart beating really fast and if it was about to burst out of my chest. It wasn't very nice.</li><li>Upsetting a friend - next week is my friend's birthday party and I had to tell him I didn't want to come because my ex boyfriend (his housemate) and his new girlfriend were going to be there and I didn't think I could face it. I didn't want to make his birthday awkward so decided I just wouldn't go but my friend was really upset.</li><li>Lack of sleep for the house - last night I slept really badly. It took me what felt like hours to fall asleep and I woke up really early. It felt as if I hadn't slept at all. My housemate went out last night and was up very very late. The lack of sleep has made us both very grumpy and we're not very nice to be around at the moment.</li><li>Coursework over the holiday - Today we had an email reminding us of all our deadlines in January. It just reminded me that I'm going to spend a lot of my holiday doing work, preparing my presentation and reading for my dissertation!! Not fun!<br /></li></ul>Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-73211076357805612072009-12-02T20:42:00.003+00:002009-12-02T21:23:51.819+00:00Realisations!This evening I am feeling AMAZING!!! I'm really calm and happy, which is so lovely!!<br /><br />Today I had another counselling session and it was really helpful. I had some realisations that have really explained <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">a lot</span> of things for me.<br /><br />I realised today that I really struggle to talk about my Dad because everyone I've ever opened up to about it, isn't in my life anymore. I think I worry that if I open up to someone new about it, I'm just going to loose them like everyone else. It's such a hard issue for me to talk about, that feeling confidence in someone is really important to me. This worry about loosing people has meant I feel no confidence in anyone. However, realising this has made me feel confidence in myself and my ability to talk about it to my counsellor shows that I can do it. I hope now that I will open up more about my feelings towards the situation with my Dad.<br /><br />The second realisation that I had was to do with my control over situations in my life. To feel happy about things I have to be in control. I remember situations with my Dad in hospital and people saying that I needed to go and see him. I would only go if it was on my terms. I needed to choose the day, the time, how long we stayed for and what I did when I was there. If I didn't have this the whole situation was traumatic for me. It wasn't just with my Dad though, it's with everything. I hate being bombarded with things, I like to prepare myself for every possible situation that I may come into contact with. One problem that has really been affected by this is my eating. Since I started feeling depressed the weight has just fallen off. I've lost 2 stone in 12 weeks and I know it has happened in the worst possible way. I just haven't been eating properly. People have been going on at me about it, which actually makes it worse. If I choose to eat I feel fine about it, but when people go on at me telling me to eat I just don't want to. This realisation was amazing because I started to understood why I wasn't sorting it out. It was because I felt other people were trying to do this for me. Now i've taken the control back and I'm doing it for myself.<br /><br />On top of this:<br /><ul><li>I finished my second essay</li><li>Had yummy pizza for dinner</li><li>Got paid for a one off job I did</li><li>Spoke to an old friend who I've missed loads</li><li>Realised I had two advent chocolates to eat</li><li>Found a christmas present for my sister and<br /></li><li>Watched lots of good looking guys playing football. </li></ul><br />My day has been really good, I really am happier!!!Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-36961395025449782342009-11-30T23:38:00.003+00:002009-12-01T00:22:09.510+00:00A little bit more positivity!<span style="font-family:verdana;">Today my whole outlook on things has changed. I began to have feelings of happiness and relief again. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Today Miss Tan came over to see me and was telling me that she was upset because her ex had been in Brighton and, unlike usual, had not contacted her. Recently I have felt that I'm in no place to be handing out advice considering my own situation is in ruins. However, today I was able to explain to her that no matter how much she has wanted him to not contact her, finding out he actually hasn't will hurt. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I know that I've had this feeling. I broke up my ex and was fine about it for such a long time. I had only seen him twice since we broke up, before he moved back to Brighton and each time was a disaster. He wanted me to be with him and tried rather persistently to stay with me, including climbing into my bed rather than staying in my housemates room (my housemate who was a close friend of his as well, hence why he was actually staying at my house in the first place). I was strong though and told him that I wanted nothing to do with him in that way anymore and that my decision was final. However, as soon as he appeared back in my life and was spouting all his feelings to me about moving on and having a new girlfriend it hurt. I completely broke down about it. It was a realisation that although I had got what I actually wanted, I was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">shielding</span> myself from actually getting over the relationship possibly because I knew I had hurt him. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Talking this all through with Miss Tan made me realise that I was feeling so much better about the situation with my ex. I realised that I don't want to be with him, that I don't have the same feelings for him, I don't miss him anymore and I even realised that I was happy for him that he was with a girl that could see the nice part of him now. For so long near the end of our relationship, I constantly only saw the bad in him, but despite all the downs we had, there were some good parts. Miss Tan realised that she felt the same, she was upset that he had moved on because she realised she wasn't as <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ok</span> with the situation as she had first thought. But like me, she started having all these other realisations and took those as a positive outcome. I think, like me, she will be able to properly move on now.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Another positive for me is that I was able to complete an essay that I have struggled to write for near on 3 weeks. Today, I just sat there and kept at it and it paid off because I finished it. It was such a huge relief. I already feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It also makes me feel happy because I was so worried I would never be able to write the essay and would have to really consider deferring the year. But now, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">that's</span> not something I have to worry about because its finished. I'm on my way to completing the year. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Something else that has made me feel happy is the fact I'm going with Miss Tan to my sister's for new year. I have never been one for celebrating new year, I don't really see the big deal. It's just another day for me. This year I'm actually really looking forward to it. I can't wait to eat good food, have lots of rose wine, spend time with my sister and her family, have cuddles with my beautiful niece and gorgeous nephew, and count down the start of a new year with some of the most important people in my life. Also, new years day my mum and step dad are coming over so I get to start my new year with them as well.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">It has been really nice today to have a smile <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">plastered</span> across my face. I am hoping this is a sign of more things to come. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the good feelings keep coming. I hope everyone else has had a happy day xxx</span>Knickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2154841761276743171.post-13611369938770345372009-11-29T19:50:00.008+00:002009-11-29T20:36:30.892+00:00The 5 Best Parts of my WeekendInspired by my lovely sister's post on <a style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);" href="http://loveaudrey-loveaudrey.blogspot.com/2009/11/positivity.html#comments">positivity</a>, I am going to write a blog dedicated to positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are not something I have had a lot of recently but I shouldn't always be so down, I should look on the bright side once in a while. So these are the 5 best parts of my weekend:<br /><br /><ol><li>Friday Night Sleep - after writing my last post about my sleep, I had the most amazing nights sleep on Friday. I slept from 20 past midnight until just before 11 am. I think I only woke up once at about 4 because it started raining really hard and it was thrashing against my window. I just climbed right under my covers and fell straight back to sleep. It was fantastic, I felt awesome in the morning!!</li><li>One Tree Hill - One of my absolutely favourite TV shows. I fully admit that its just another cheesy American teen show, but I can't help but love it!! I found out on Saturday morning that the newest series (which I had been sceptical about watching because Lucas (Chad Micheal Murray) and Peyton (Hilarie Burton) had left) was available on the Internet to watch. I sat down on Saturday morning thinking that it was going to be awful, but it wasn't!!! It was absolutely what I wanted, to be proved wrong and still be the program I love!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidDd8FPK5EKG6pbfbOT1k7qrjTho5DvQj4SIqUyJfqfg4yNCBsmXq1GcECu9BCevEUIisBWzFR16cTwUL3WuePlH860s4-wpg7aYatTxcBM-0pO-GhvZSB2ynP3hUsNcqJVLdk-h8vojQh/s1600/one+tree+hill+series+7.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 242px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidDd8FPK5EKG6pbfbOT1k7qrjTho5DvQj4SIqUyJfqfg4yNCBsmXq1GcECu9BCevEUIisBWzFR16cTwUL3WuePlH860s4-wpg7aYatTxcBM-0pO-GhvZSB2ynP3hUsNcqJVLdk-h8vojQh/s320/one+tree+hill+series+7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409624587214173858" border="0" /></a></li><li>Spending Saturday night with Miss Tan - Last night I went and had a classic girly sleep over with Miss Tan. We sat on the sofa, under a duvet, watching Xfactor, eating chocolate, and gossiping!! We then got into bed, gossiped some more and watched Friends. It was just what I needed on a cold, rainy, windy, Saturday night. Thank you for having me Miss Tan, love you lots!</li><li>Finishing my Dissertation Proforma - My aim for this weekend was to get some work done. I may not have done all my work but I still managed to finish my proforma which makes me feel fantastic. I started looking at it on Friday afternoon and was completely knocked back because I didn't really understand it. But, this afternoon I sat down and just kept going. I didn't let things put me off, I re-read and re-read until I understood and it worked because I've just sent it to my tutor to be checked. </li><li>I was extremely touched to come home and find, sitting in my kitchen, from Miss Shep, this:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNcxUDsYV7dU-r6pbva23u3rNjonv0FX6LfAyPsSc3E8UP0zXEb9icoYbVwALbJX67kGqSryWWZANxI1zI5bEBYa8YjCvU2M3R1aVYjt5tEkBLVYJQ9ncRK9uZzHIzoBCRLiMD5z7OoYL/s1600/advent.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNcxUDsYV7dU-r6pbva23u3rNjonv0FX6LfAyPsSc3E8UP0zXEb9icoYbVwALbJX67kGqSryWWZANxI1zI5bEBYa8YjCvU2M3R1aVYjt5tEkBLVYJQ9ncRK9uZzHIzoBCRLiMD5z7OoYL/s320/advent.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409625311918154034" border="0" /></a> It definitely put a smile on my face!! I love it! Can't wait until the 1st now!! Wooooooooooo!!</li></ol>Hope you've all had a lovely weekend! xxxKnickershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17605184608214103869noreply@blogger.com3