Thursday, 26 November 2009


My lovely sister who advised me to start this blog because of her own does an Up/Down post and instead of purely putting all the things that are getting me down I think there should be some positives on here as well. As I have never done one before I'm going to put all the things that have recently made me feel Up and Down rather than just today or yesterday or last week.

Going Up....
  • Being able to talk to my Mum and Sister. As I have said previously I only really opened up to my ex and before him it was my Dad. For a while after I split with my boyfriend I felt as if I had no one to talk to. I felt very isolated and completely alone even with tonnes of people around me. However, recently this has changed. I now open up and tell my Mum and Sister things. A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom and couldn't actually stand to be in Brighton and in the past when I've felt like this I have just ignored the feeling but this time I picked up the phone and rang my Mum. I went to stay with her and talked through a lot of my feelings with her. It felt good to tell someone, it made me feel reassured about everything and slightly stronger to go back and deal with it. With my Sister it was quite hard for me, I have always feared upsetting her by talking about Dad. But as she said one day on the phone to me, no one else understands like she does. She was the only person who lost him as a Dad, just like me. Since then I have felt a lot better about picking up the phone and calling her.
  • Spending the weekend with my Sister and her family. This weekend was my nephew's naming ceremony and to celebrate I went to stay with her. I went up on Friday and as it marked 4 years since my father passed away, my sister and I went out for lunch where we gorged on mushrooms (one of my Dad's favourite foods). That evening we watched an old film that reminded us of our Dad, while drinking hot chocolate and doing our nails. Saturday was the naming ceremony and it was so lovely to be surrounded by friends and family. On Sunday we ate cake, did a bit of shopping and witnessed my nephew sitting up on his own for the very first time. It was really great to spend time with them all and if I had the money I would do it a lot more.
  • Phone calls with my best friend Kev B. My best friend and I have always been the kind of friends that don't need to speak everyday or every month. Sometimes we go months and months without talking, yet when we do call and meet up, its as if we've never been apart. Recently, we've been talking a lot more and its been really nice. It makes it feel as if we still live down the road from each other rather than her in Sheffield and me in Brighton.
  • Changing my phone number. I was having a lot of trouble with my ex boyfriend and I decided to take some control and stop the contact as I was constantly getting upset every time we spoke.
  • Baking Brownies with Miss Shep. Last night in order to cheer me up, Miss Shep and I put on our aprons and made chocolate brownies. They were so scrummy and definitely put a smile on my face.
  • My friend Miss Tan. Miss Tan is my closet friend at uni and she constantly makes me happy. She has been so supportive recently and no matter what always has time to listen to me, see me and comfort me when I'm crying (which has been a lot recently). It means a lot to me.
Going Down....
  • The fear of work. I'm in my third year of uni and I'm in such a panic about everything I have to do. The thought of essays and dissertation especially scare me. It's particularly hard as I have an extreme lack of motivation at the moment. I'm usually someone who sets an early deadline for myself and gets the work in before everyone else. A lot of my friends are jealous of how good I am at doing work and that's whats so annoying about this situation.
  • Constant conflicting feelings. I hate never really knowing how I feel about things. All my emotions seem to all come pouring out at the same time and really get to me.
  • Still having 2 weeks of uni left. I don't think I need to expand...................
  • Lack of money and the fact that I've only bought one Christmas present.
  • People wanting me to go out and not wanting to. I have always hated letting people down and at the moment I constantly feel as if I am. All my friends keeping asking me to go on nights out, but firstly I have no energy to, secondly I can't drink at the moment because of my tablets, thirdly I get really panicky whenever I go out in case I bump into my ex and lastly the above point; having a lack of money makes it hard to do anything.

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